Happy Birthday, Hitler!

A Play in Two Acts

Act I
A street in Berlin

HEINRICH: Did you know it's Hitler's birthday today?
RUDOLF: Yes I did, in fact.
HEINRICH: I wonder why we don't do anything to celebrate.
RUDOLF: Celebrating Hitler's birthday? Are you insane?
HEINRICH: Yes I am!

Brief dance number

HEINRICH: Ah, dancing.
RUDOLF: It truly is the nectar of the Gods.
HEINRICH: This is a good way to celebrate, no?
RUDOLF: Dancing?
HEINRICH: Yes. Hitler would have outlawed dancing.
RUDOLF: Really?
HEINRICH: I don't know.
RUDOLF: Then why did you say that?
HEINRICH: I like to make things up.
RUDOLF: You shouldn't do that to history.
HEINRICH: Do I look like a historian to you, Rudolf?
RUDOLF: Historians don't really have a distinctive look.


Act II
Israel

METHUZELAH: Thank God Hitler's dead.
ZECHARAIAH: Not soon enough.
METHUZELAH: This heat is killing me.
ZECHARAIAH: That's not funny.
METHUZELAH: What? What's not funny?
ZECHARAIAH: Forget it.
METHUZELAH: Oy, the heat.
ZECHARAIAH: But this is the promised land.
METHUZELAH: And look what it does to my equilibrium.
ZECHARAIAH: Wait, did you know it was Hitler's birthday today?
METHUZELAH: Did you say it's Mitzah's birthday?
ZECHARAIAH: Nevermind.

Further down the road

NEVA: It's Mitzah's birthday today.
GOLDA: Are you having a party for her?
NEVA: No, she lives in America.
GOLDA: Good for her.
NEVA: Yes. It's much too hot here.
GOLDA: Let's go swimming.
NEVA: Hooray!